witness

I have been working on writing my personal testimony – how God has moved in my life – how I got to where I am today.  My repugnance grows as I look back on past seasons of my selfish life.  I am utterly  disgusted with who I used to be.  I do not want to glorify my past.

Photographs tend to glorify whatever it is they are of.  I want so badly to erase the photographs taken during those dark years of my life.  But as I look at the images and ponder the action of deleting them, I realize that they are a witness of where God has rescued me from.  If I erase those images then I am silencing the witness.

By the power and grace of God, my life is a living testimony of Ezekiel 11:19,20; 36:24-27

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old journal, old woman

This morning, while flipping through an old journal, I was unexpectedly reunited with the Janie of ten years ago. I had forgotten who she was. On the dusty pages, I was met with a dark and dying soul – one who was at a loss for meaning in life – one who valued the trees more than the soul of another human being. She was an angry Janie, pissed off at the polluted world in which she found herself living – overwhelmed by the poisonous elements and the destructive power of humanity.

As I read her words, tears filled my eyes. I fell to my knees with shock and remorse for the woman I once was. With the sarcasm and contempt contained in those pages, it is hard for me to believe the same hand that types this now wrote those words a decade ago. My heart breaks for who she was, but rejoices for who she is now.

Why the change? You may ask. What happened to that woman of old? The answer: She met the Savior of the world one fine spring morning on the coast of California and she has never been the same since. Her heart was hijacked by a Love that has no bounds. She let go of what she knew wasn’t satisfying and stepped out in Faith – determined to follow through, even though she couldn’t see the Path in front of her.

It has been four years since I took that step into the arms of Jesus Christ. I knew that Faith would be an adventure, but I sometimes forget that I will have to revisit my old paths from new perspectives as God reveals them.  Often this revisiting process can be very painful.  Yet, I rejoice because I know that this is the process of sanctification.  It is this process that brings me closer in relationship with God.

I am humbled by His revelation of my former self this morning. I praise God for His Mercy and for reminding me of where I came from; allowing me to see with renewed clarity the Path set out before me.

When we stop to look at where we have come from, and compare that to where we currently are, then the direction in which we have been going becomes evident.

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